via Megan Gilger
I've officially decided: I hate busyness. 

Productivity is good. Busy is definitely not. Even now, the only way I'm managing any free time to blog is because I'm sitting in a nursing home lobby by myself, waiting for students in the class I TA for to finish their service project.* Seriously, the number one thing that I've wanted for weeks is a few hours of absolute quiet, all to myself. Maybe someday...

Anyway, this semester. Whoa. It has been really, really good, but really difficult at the same time (just in a completely different way than last semester!). College is always a bit of a balancing act, but this semester is taking it to a whole new level. 17 credit hours (including 2 senior level psych classes and a science), auditing 1 hour, and TAing for a 63-person class, on top of getting back into a relationship, not to mention keeping myself on track with my relationship with God…yeah, it's slightly nuts. (I realize that this seems pretty run-of-the-mill for a lot of people, but for someone who definitely does not thrive on being crazy-busy all the time, it's a stretch!)

In short, this year so far has been one big lesson to teach me that I'm not perfect, that I really do need God more than anything, and what the meaning of grace really is. For some reason, it can be very hard for me to remember that this is all a process. I'm not going to get it down right away. I'm going to mess up. At the same time, I have to keep trying. That can be a hard balance to find: understanding that His grace makes up for my mistakes because He understands and loves me anyway…
"The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust."
- Psalm 103:13-14
…but not letting that cause me to think that what I do doesn't matter, that I don't have to keep striving to be better.
"Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?"
- Romans 6:1-2
I am so thankful for what I've been given, but sometimes--most of the time--I feel so unbelievably inadequate. As wonderful as it all is--and it is wonderful--it is so much responsibility and I know all too well how incapable I am. I've proven that over and over and over again. After praying and praying for what I wanted so much, now that I actually have it, I'm constantly asking God, "Are You sure about this? I don't know if I can handle it after all!" Yet He's continually reminding me:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9
If this is where He wants me, He's going to give me the strength to do it correctly. His grace really is enough. Keeping Him first is the key. If only I could remember that…

via Pinterest

Hopefully this balance I'm trying to find will include some free time to blog, but I make no promises! Until next time...

* Thank God for smart phones--my parents got me an iPhone for Christmas. LOVE IT. It is saving my life this semester!

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