“You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find peace in You.”
- Augustine's Confessions
A year ago, I wrote about my need to simply be still, to know that God was and is in control, to just trust.

A year later, not much has changed.

Scratch that--pretty much everything has changed (thank. God. SERIOUSLY). But that is one thing that does remain the same. I'm at a very, very different place in life now than I was then, but my need to be still and rest only in Him is still huge. It's still difficult.

I am not the kind of person who thrives on busyness. Quite frankly, I think this need that everyone seems to have to be crazy busy all the time is ridiculous.* However, as much as I don't generally want to be busy 24/7, lately, I've wanted to avoid being alone, sitting, having time to hear myself think. Because when I'm alone, that's when the thoughts and the fears start to come, and I just want to get away, to have someone, so I don't have to think about it.

Fear can be so pervasive. Scars can run deeper than you think. When it's just me and God, when I don't have the option of turning to someone else, it means I have to look certain things square in the eye and deal with them…like the fact that I sometimes struggle to trust Him, because I know that trusting Him sometimes leads to very painful places. Beautiful places, yes, but painful ones as well (usually, it's both simultaneously). I get scared of what comes next. I get scared of where loving Him most might lead me. I get scared that I won't be able to love Him most!

And that's when grace comes in. Again. And accepting grace means I have to be still and trust Him and let Him love me and prove over and over again that He is good.

He isn't safe--never safe--but He is very, very good.

Because of that, I can choose to rest in Him and let Him help me face all my fears. I can trust that, however He chooses to go about it, He will always keep His promises. He will always give me His very best.
"You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid."
- "Lions!" by LIGHTS
Also: this song. So good.

"When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am."
- "Be Still" by The Fray
*Obviously, I understand that every person is different, but when it gets to the point where all you talk about is how busy you are and have these weird conversations that imply whoever has the busiest schedule is somehow superior… I think it's safe to say there's a problem. It's one thing to be unavoidably busy. Everyone has those times. My entire last semester was one of those times! However, it's quite another to choose to be ridiculously busy all. the. time. and then complain about it every waking moment. One of my biggest pet peeves ever. (I could vent about this for awhile, because it's something that frustrates me a lot, but…I'll spare you. I just hate the pressure to be busy for the sake of being busy! The fact that I choose to say no to filling up every minute of my schedule does not mean that I am lazy or inferior. End mini rant.) (P.S. I know approximately a billion people who do this. It's kind of a general American cultural thing, it seems. In other words, don't think I'm attacking anyone. This isn't being directed at any individual. Promise!)

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